Childhood

I had a messed up childhood. I think that is one of the reasons that I am like this today. Over the weekend I had some disturbing news that set off the voices. And yesterday I also heard some very disturbing news. I want to know what is wrong with people these days where they think that they can get away with those kind of things. I find that it put me into a depression and then my voices seemed to start telling me to do very bad things. I know that I should not dwell on them but they run along the lines of what happened to me as a child. When I hear it I start to relive my own experience and I need to do something to relieve the problems that it causes. When I started this blog I was going to try and write about these time but I was afraid to. but now I know that I might be able to help myself get out of the vicious cycle that it brings on.

Problems

Well for the past 10 years I have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. I found the what Michael David Crawford wrote @ http://www.geometricvisions.com/schizoaffective-disorder/ was very helpful in stating the fact that I too suffer from the diagnoses and have for the past 10 years. I feel like it has been longer but I only sought help for it 10 years ago and here is where I will post some of my problems to help others and maybe others yet still find help to understand that they are not alone. it seems that we are all alone but yet we are truly one of God's creatures we just happen to be different then what society has said is normal. Maybe those that do not understand that we have a mental disorder then maybe he can learn to live peacefully with those of us that have them.

Let me start out saying that for the past 3 weeks the voices that are not there but seem so real to me have been telling me to make my loving wife leave me and that she would be better off without me. Then things in my life have gone horribly wrong and that there is no way to lift myself out of it. But the wife and I sat down and had a long talk about some of my problems then the voices seem to have subsided. It helps to have a therapist with you when there are problems going on in your life that you seem to think are getting you down and out or have the habit of starting the voices in the little soft voices to tell us that what we are hearing are real and the fear that we are feeling are real and that we need to self preserve.

I had things said to me that I do not want to do but sometimes it seems that if I do them that the voices will go away. We all have that inner voice that we run our ideas off of but the voices are outside my head and do different things and get the visions to start where I see things that only I can see but it to is on the outside of my head.