My dilemma

I have several projects either on the needles or hook. I have some striped socks, a hat, a king size blanket, a baby blanket, and I think a sweater. Those are just the ones that I can remember Lord only knows what else I have stashed away in my craft room, which needs to be cleaned. I need to finish all of them but the sweater, that one I am going to rip out and use the yarn for another project. The striped socks are made with self stripping sock yarn which is really thin and I have 72 stitches per sock. Although it is being done on one needle 2 at a time. The king size blanket is being done on a afghan hook that is 22 inches long, with the afghan stitch. You crochet one stitch off till you get to the end then you crochet one stitch back on back to the other end. It will be very snugly warm. But I don't think that it will be done by winter if I don't work on it.

I do not want to work on it. It takes forever to do and has a lot of stitches to it. The baby blanket is in the closet and that one was forgotten about because I do not know anyone that is having a baby. I have some more skeins of yarn I want to put on it. But I am not worried about it. then the hat is an ear flap, fair isle done with lion brand wool ease and fisherman wool 2 yarns held together. I made just the basic hat (no pattern) for my dad. That hat was fun and fast. I also remembered about this latch hook rug that I am doing that I want to get done. It is a picture of 2 fishermen at sunset on a lake. I want it done for my room which is going to be done in outdoorsy stuff. I need to get into my new room and finish it.

I have to take everything out and put down the pill and stick tile. If that works in that room then the wife wants to do it in other rooms. I want to get it done but I do not have the manpower to do it. I am only one person, I can not do it alone. When the room is done I am going to use it for my project room where I will keep all my stuff for sewing, knitting, crochet, latch hooking, and needle stitch. Which reminds me of the needle stitch projects I have there are three of them. I also have a quilt project that needs to get done for my mom, but like I said there is no room to get into the craft room to sew.

Sleeping

I slept all day yesterday after getting up at 415. I got up at 545 this morning but feel real good I am not tired and do not feel like sleeping at all. The news is on and I am not paying any attention to it. It is just back ground noise for my voices to go away. I really hate having to listen to them but sometimes they come to the foreground and drive me crazy. The schizoaffective diagnoses is hard to live with at times but I have been living with it for the past 10 years and there are times that I feel like coming off my meds but I know that I can't do that. When I think that I am done with my meds that is when I start to listen to the voices and they are not kind to me. I really think that the voices want me dead and I do not want to die. I like living and find that it is nice to be in touch with myself.

There are time that the meds stop working as they should and then I need a change but I hate to change them even though the voices get worse and I start to think that the world is out to get me. I find that the thought of Gods people trying to find and kill me comes out and that there are snipers in the trees across the street waiting for me to go outside. I had that problem a couple of weeks ago. I would not let the cats look out the window do to the fact that I was afraid that the snipers would shoot me. I smoke out side and every time that I went out there I would start to shake so bad that I would put out my smoke and come back in. Although I never once thought to quit smoking.

The wife found this website that is for people with my problems and the spouse of those people. I like the place. Like minded people talking about their problems with people with the same problems. I was reading some of their posts and they say that caffeine is bad for those of us with mental illnesses. So I have decided to quit drinking coffee after this tub is gone and to quit smoking after this carton is gone. I feel good about my decision about it.

Sleep

Everyone needs sleep but it seems that the only sleep that I can get is inturupted sleep. I went to bed last night at 3 in the morning then got up at 7 in the morning. Allthough I can say that I did sleep for those four hours that I was asleep. I think that my mind is depressed and that I am thinking to much. When that happens I start to have problems then the voices start up again. then on to the seeing things again. Or I start thinking that there are things going on that are not really going on right now I just hear the voices and think that my wife wants me to leave but does not know how to tell me.