23 June 2020

Yesterdays fishing trip

Well yesterday I tried to go fishing. I had to pick up the dogs meds at Walmart, that was not there. Then I went to my home pond and when I got all the way down to the water it started thundering so I had to leave. I decided that I would go today and woke up early and started my day, but I was having stomach problems and ate, feel asleep until noon. I had to take the plastic bags to Walmart and take some stuff to be donated once that was done then I came home at 3pm ate again and it was 5pm. So tomorrow I will get a chance to drown some worms.

24 February 2020

The problem with the world

Well another day of crocheting away the time. I had a semi good day today the voices was all I heard. They were just repeating everything I said drove my about a foot up the wall. Just felt okay today not fair but not bad, just somewhere in between. To scared to go out and having whispering things in the ears that are repeats of what I said is not that bad of a day. Sometimes I wish that I was "normal", but really what is "normal". Maybe I am normal and the rest of the world is not. What if everyone has a problem, but are to afraid to say what it is. What if everyone has a problem with their mind and have told someone that was not paying attention, and marked it off as a the drinking or drugs. People should look for the underlining problem of drinking or drugs, they may find someone with something wrong and trying to cover it up. I drank like a fish before I was diagnosed. I heard voices and saw things that were not really happening and now they say that it is schizoaffective. I was also molested while I was a kid no one new and I was ashamed that it happened. Why should I be ashamed when the assholes that did it to me think that they are good people. Why can no one seem to ask a kid what is on their mind, Oh I Forgot that "CHILDREN SOULD BE SEEN AND NOT HEARD." What a loud of bullshit. They just do not want what they are doing to the child to be known. Like with this thing that a female child that is being molested by her dad should have to get his permission to tell someone that her baby is his. That and Women have no rights except what her boyfriend to husband want her to think. Why is it Okay for men to get a vasectomy and it takes two kids and the husbands okay to let a female have her tubes tide. Is it because that men can have affaires and if a woman gets pregnant by someone other then her husband it is his right to kill her. What a load of shitheads that live in this world.

22 February 2020

Ramblings

I have decided to stop playing magic. The locking up the board sent it over the tipping point. I go to club when I am feeling good, which is not often. I am working on three blankets, two doilies, a wash cloth, and a hat that I am working from top down, which is my practice for toe up socks. I probably have others that I can not remember. I finished one blanket that is 80 inches square {really I have not been finishing projects, I start one and soon it becomes a UFP (un-finished project)} but I finally got that one done started it 2 years ago. I really need to finish all the ones that have already started. I have been going through my stash and finding more projects and have not found everything yet I don't think.

The voices and the visions have been coming and going for the past year in a half. Some times I think my problems are the dead that have not pasted on. Sometimes I think that they are stuck here to torment me. Some are small like mice and squirrels and as big as people. They say that the animals do not know that they exist but I wonder if they are right about that, because the small ones would not be here like a big one. The voices seem to be coming from another room and there is no one here. Then when I am not guarded the visions invade my dreams. Some people would call them demons. I just call them my shadows.

Time for some random thoughts. Why do people ask why the sky is blue? When does time end, when we pass on or when the universe ends? I think we go on even after death but when we want to come back we find a new vessel. If we do not believe in something does it not exist? Is UFO's one person invasion from long ago and now everyone thinks it is true. The final thought of the day... Are people real or the figment of somethings imagination. 

19 July 2019

Lawnmowers

Well I finally did it, got Cheryl so mad that she bought me a reel mower to mow my 1.4 acre lot. I wonder how long it will take to mow my grass. She got feed up with the broken mower every three weeks this time the engine had to be replaced. I have had this curse put on me so that I am not able to keep a lawnmower running. When I was a kid I would break the lawnmower every time I touched it. If t did not break when first touch then it would fall apart while mowing. Had one that I was almost done with the yard and the handle broke off, and then rolled back at me. Thank the Lord that it stopped running at the same time. My parents got tired of buying a new mower every week so they also bout a reel mower for me. Did not break that one, it worked up to the time we left the house. Well the yard is too tall for the mower, but I just got off the phone with the repair shop and they will be delivering the riding mower tonight. Hopefully before the sun sets and it rains so I can mow the grass that is knee high

14 July 2019

Life and projects

Well I have been seeing things and worried about people following me. I swear that there are people in sitting in the trees that are waiting for me to get alone so they can kill me. I have been afraid to go out and do thing because of it Cheryl keeps telling me no one wants to kill me but  Can not stop thinking that is not true. The other thing is that the voices keep telling me that no one likes me so I should kill myself, and the saying to anyone that will listen that I should be killed. I do not think anyone is listing to them. I keep thinking that people can hear them but Cheryl keeps trying to convince me that no one can hear them except me, but I can not seem to think that is true.

So I am making a pair of socks for two people at my club and I also have to make a pair of boot cuffs. I have known since last Christmas but there are times that I do not feel like doing anything but veg out and do nothing. I have some projects to do for m-i-l and s-i-l. I have their project that I have not been wanting to do I think that I am done doing projects for veryone and just doing what I want to do.

So I have been neglecting my things that need to get done for the week but I am going to do it today and try to get it done I have to try and do a little every day.

22 June 2019

Life and times

So I have been smoking he e-cig for the past 3 years and it is better than the real ones. I no longer smell bad and my teeth are slowly getting lighter. I still smoke the tobacco on acastion but not very often. 

21 June 2019

Times are tough

Well it has been awhile I still see things, me and the doctor are slowly getting me right on with meds. The thing is that I do not like taking it. The meds keep me up all night and sleep late. I am charging the battery to the lawnmower, so I can mow the grass. It ran out of gas the other day put gas in it and the battery died.