30 June 2011


I slept all day yesterday after getting up at 415. I got up at 545 this morning but feel real good I am not tired and do not feel like sleeping at all. The news is on and I am not paying any attention to it. It is just back ground noise for my voices to go away. I really hate having to listen to them but sometimes they come to the foreground and drive me crazy. The schizoaffective diagnoses is hard to live with at times but I have been living with it for the past 10 years and there are times that I feel like coming off my meds but I know that I can't do that. When I think that I am done with my meds that is when I start to listen to the voices and they are not kind to me. I really think that the voices want me dead and I do not want to die. I like living and find that it is nice to be in touch with myself.

There are time that the meds stop working as they should and then I need a change but I hate to change them even though the voices get worse and I start to think that the world is out to get me. I find that the thought of Gods people trying to find and kill me comes out and that there are snipers in the trees across the street waiting for me to go outside. I had that problem a couple of weeks ago. I would not let the cats look out the window do to the fact that I was afraid that the snipers would shoot me. I smoke out side and every time that I went out there I would start to shake so bad that I would put out my smoke and come back in. Although I never once thought to quit smoking.

The wife found this website that is for people with my problems and the spouse of those people. I like the place. Like minded people talking about their problems with people with the same problems. I was reading some of their posts and they say that caffeine is bad for those of us with mental illnesses. So I have decided to quit drinking coffee after this tub is gone and to quit smoking after this carton is gone. I feel good about my decision about it.

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